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PISCES
February 19 to March 20
You'll have good luck at work this month. You'll lose your job. You always said you hated it!
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AQUARIUS
January 20 to February 18
Beware of a tall dark person with a handlebar mustache -- especially if it's a woman. |
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CAPRICORN
December 22 to January 19
Now's the time to do something about your appearance ... Avoid havin' ugleee parents!
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SAGITTARIUS
November 22 to December 21
This month your troubles will revolve around your family. The Manson Family. Lock your doors.
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SCORPIO
October 24 to November 21
You will meet that perfect someone special through the personal ads. Try to overlook the fact that this person is 4 feet tall, weighs 300 pounds and has a bad personality.
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LIBRA
September 23 to October23
Avoid having an argument with anyone carrying a chainsaw. |
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VIRGO
August 23 to September 22
Call up an old friend you haven't seen in a while ... unless you owe him money. |
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LEO
July 23 to August 22
Attempt a romantic relationship with someone born under the sign of Cancer. They are attracted to Leos and open to your advances. |
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CANCER
June 22 to July 22
Stay away from Leos. They're over-eager sex fiends with only one thing on their minds. |
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GEMINI
May 22 to June 21
Someone will send you a fur coat this month. But beware: it will be a do-it-yourself kit. |
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TAURUS
April 21 to May 21
Watch your diet. Don't eat any food that's blue, hairy or looks like it's been eaten before. |
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ARIES
March 21 to April 20
If geeks are all you seem to be attracting lately, try hanging a No-Pest Strip from your belt.
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